This Scene Almost Broke Me While Writing It

Hello, dear readers,

Let me start with this, there are scenes in my book that aren’t for everyone. There is violence, there is weight, there are moments that aren’t easy to write. And honestly, every one of those scenes took something from me.

But despite all that, the hardest moment wasn’t the one I expected.

It wasn’t the physical punishment. It wasn’t the humiliation. It wasn’t even the pain that my main character goes trough. That was manageable because he always fought back. With anger. With defiance. With that quiet, dangerous strength of someone who refuses to break, someone who would rather laugh in his tormentor’s face than give him the satisfaction of seeing him destroyed.

The truth is, the scene that broke me was the exact opposite.

I’ll try to explain it without giving too much away.

In this scene, he is forced to watch. To sit there and relive everything that has ever happened to him. From childhood… to now. Every punishment. Every insult. Every moment that shaped him, and shattered him at the same time.

And the worst part?

He can’t look away. He can’t stop it. He can’t help the younger version of himself. All he can do is sit there. Watch. Endure it all over again.

At first, he screams, then he cries, and in the end, he just watches. And prays for it to be over.

I think that was the moment that broke me.  Not because it’s physically brutal, but because there’s only so much a person can endure.

And sometimes, the cruelest thing isn’t the pain. It’s the helplessness.

If you’d like to follow the journey of the book and see how it’s coming together, you can find more here:

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